UK Job Application - a different approach

A job application - its humorous - but it does illustrate that standing out from the crowd and demonstrating your character can pay off. Though humour can be a very difficult thing to pull off fora candidate in the recruitment market.
A job application made for B & Q in the UK.
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells, UK. They hired him because he was so funny.....



NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director.
But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?


DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.


EDUCATION: Yes.


LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.


PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.


MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.


REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION: It was a crap job.


HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.


PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.


DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.


MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?


DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?


DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'


HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.


DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!


WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.


NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles



DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely.

However he got the job. We cant of course recommend such an approach and it is a rare employers HR dept who would take this further. However at the end of the day it is the candidates skills and likely work performance that matter and this candidate clearly had some character and we understand that was a kay factor for B&Q in dealing with customers on the shop-floor.